People I'd Like To Meet - Part Deux

Have you ever noticed that, when they can think of enough child-like words to string together, tea baggers make a lame attempt to discuss complex political issues? More often than not, they will, at some point, make a reference to the Second Amendment as though gun violence has anything remotely related to political dialogue in a democracy.

When they do, I immediately think of, perhaps, the most famous psychologist in world history. This man's groundbreaking research has covered many topics, but his most famous research is related to firearms and conservatives, especially those who glue tea bags to their heads.

In 1975, Dr. Charles M. Noodick, using a grant funded by a private foundation and the National Institutes of Health, assembled to team of 120 researchers to survey 60,000 conservative gun owners across the United States. The research methodology included printed surveys and telephone interviews conducted from 1975 to 1985.

The survey questionnaire and telephone interview included questions regarding gender, age, income ranges, and physiological questions. Of the 60,000 participants, one-half agreed to a thorough physiological and psychological examination. These were conducted over a period of several years.

In late 1985, Dr. Noodick's research team completed the last examinations that involved follow-up questionnaires for research participants. The final report of the research team was completed in early 1987.

Among many interesting conclusions reached as a result of Dr. Noodick's research, the most revealing was that the average conservative male who owns multiple weapons was ten times more likely to be physically and verbally abused as a child primarily by an overbearing father. Based on physiological examinations, conservative males, owning more than one firearm, had, in general terms, a penis several times smaller than the average American male. As the number of guns possessed increased, research indicated penis size became smaller.

Dr. Noodick stated, in a 1990 interview, that generally speaking conservative males possessing multiple weapons also suffered from severe penile inadequacies including an inability to satisfy sexual partners.

Dr. Noodick surmised that multiple gun ownership provides, in a small measure, conservative males with a sense of the male adequacy they lack and while the gun can go off, they can't!

See: www.gunsandtinypenisconservatives.com

People I'd Like To Meet - Part Un

Today, I begin a series of short articles related to famous people I'd like to meet.

On days when you're feeling an extremely low, or non-existent, level of self-esteem, do you ever find yourself using the remote control to entertain yourself by flipping through endless boring channels on Comcast or Dish Network?

Perhaps, in a moment of loathing self-abuse, you've found yourself staring at the Faux News Channel. If so, you've noticed the frequency with which Ann Coulter appears on Faux News. Each time I see Coulter, it brings to mind one of the people I'd most like to meet.

His name is Dr. Chang E. Yu, an internationally recognized surgeon, who several years ago, using the most advanced surgical techniques of the time, miraculously transformed Dan Coulter into "Ann" Coulter who, according to Sean Hannity, is a remarkably handsome woman albeit with manly knuckles.

Dr. Yu's techniques were so precise he was able to transform Dan Coulter's tiny, conservative-sized penis into "Ann's" female genitalia that has become very appealing to conservative men and more than a few conservative women.

www.danasann.com